


Crossroad

by black_tea



Series: Garak and Bashir: Related Works [3]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Choices, Comfort Sex, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-21
Updated: 2014-03-05
Packaged: 2018-01-13 05:44:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1214911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/black_tea/pseuds/black_tea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Julian thought he could breath easy since his relationship with Garak is no longer a secret. However, as one of Sisko's predictions threatens to come true, Julian Bashir is forced to make a difficult choice. Comes after 'Worst Kept Secret'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Calm Before the Storm

Julian jostled the bag into a more comfortable position on his shoulder and stepped back onto the station for the first time in two and a half weeks. The mission had been successful and now he had a jumping off point for further research. However, exhaustion had begun to take its toll, and he was badly missing a certain Cardassian.

Jadzia gently nudged him with her elbow. “I bet you’re glad to be back.” She smiled mischievously.

“You could say that. Oh, there he is.” He held a hand up in greeting and broke into a smile as he made his way over to where his lover stood out of the way against the wall of the corridor. He dropped his bag and reached out to rest his hands on Garak’s upper arms, rubbing them affectionately. The Cardassian’s hands went to Julian’s waist, his expression genuinely pleased.

As awkward as the whole affair had been, having his friends know about their relationship was advantageous in at least one respect. He could actually behave like they were a couple. It was ok to admit that he missed the other man’s company and to greet him with affection after they had been apart. Very natural things, but ones he hadn’t the luxury to indulge in before.

He didn’t go so far as to actually kiss him. He wasn’t sure Garak would be comfortable with it – flirting in public he enjoyed, but he had never made a move to kiss Julian in front of other people. His friends had calmed down considerably (the ‘you’re insane, Julian’ comments had dropped by at least 50%, and no one had made an attempt to seriously talk him out of the relationship for over a month now). Still, pushing things didn’t seem advisable while the established peace was still a delicate one.

“It’s good to see you again, my dear.” Garak said with warmth. He flexed his hands giving Julian’s waist a squeeze.

“Hello, Garak.” Jadzia paused to give him a friendly greeting.

“Jadzia.” He nodded affably. “You should really come by my shop sometime. I have some lovely new fabric that would really bring out your eyes.”

The Trill smiled. “I may just take you up on that. Behave yourself, Julian.” she added.

Julian reluctantly withdrew his hands and bent to sling his bag back over his shoulder. As the rest of the crew made their way past, he missed the long searching look Michael gave them as the Starfleet security officer walked past. Garak noticed and without dropping his pleasant expression, promptly catalogued the incident as he did all his observations of the station and it’s denizens.

Julian straightened up, and Garak moved his hand to the small of his back as they walked. “I read those books you leant me.” he said.

“Oh, and what did you think?” Julian asked. He could only imagine what the Cardassian would make of _Paradise Lost_.

“I thought a great many things. Are you hungry?”

Julian smiled. “I’m sure you did, and yes, I’m starving.” _For more things than one._ He thought, thoroughly enjoying the physical contact. However, he really did need to eat and the prospect of food and pleasant conversation seemed wonderful too.

 * * *

“I couldn’t help wonder if either Milton was suffering from some sort of mental distress or if I simply am unable to comprehend the mythology of which he writes.” Garak began.

“Oh, how so? I believe he was quite sane.” Julian replied between forkfuls of food. As usual he ate much more rapidly than the Cardassian, but his stomach had been making its demands known for quite some time.

“Well, I thought that Satan was supposed to be the enemy – a figure of evil in the most black and white terms. Yet, he seemed to be more or less the hero of the story. A strange choice for a religious author, yes?”

Julian smiled. “Well that really wasn’t Milton’s intent. However, you aren’t the first person to interpret the story that way.”

“And the figure of the Christian god and his son seem so weak.” Garak added. “It does not seem like a story to inspire much confidence.”

Julian made an effort to inhale his food at a slower rate. Garak was watching him with an amused look that said he would soon be poking at him over his eating habits. “The trouble with the depiction of God in the story, is that the author is trying to describe something that is not fully describable. By making him a concrete figure, he is then limited and brought down to human size.”

He nodded. “Yes, that makes sense. As for the utopian garden, I’m afraid one would die of complete and utter boredom. I can’t blame Eve for eating the apple – the serpent did have a good point.”

“Well,” Julian began mischievously, “the devil is supposedly a very convincing liar. A lot like someone I know.”

“My dear, I have absolutely no idea who you could possibly be referring to.” He smirked, clearly enjoying himself. “Tell me, did Humans really have such low opinions of their females?”

“Humans, as you know, had their share of problems. However, many things have changed dramatically for the better over the past few centuries. You have to keep the historical context in mind. You also have to admit that the writing itself is beautiful.”

“It is interesting, I give it that. I prefer it to some of your other selections, but not I fear, for the reasons the author intended.” He sat for a moment in thoughtful silence. “It must have been very difficult to have been Human at that time. So many enjoyable things completely forbidden.”

“Well, we hardly need to worry about that now. Amazing what changes the passage of time brings.” Julian replied.

“Truly.” The heated look Garak gave him made Julian shiver. Now that one need was sated, another quickly took its place.

 * * *

Garak eyed the young man predatorily as they entered his quarters. The warmer air was a relief to the Cardassian after the relative chill of the rest of the station, but it barely registered. He had become used to regular bedroom activity, and he found having Julian gone to be distracting in the extreme. But now the attractive Human had returned, and things would go back to normal. The difference Julian made in his life still surprised him. If someone told Garak as a young man that he would one day find himself exiled from his home only to have his life redeemed by a Human male, and a Starfleet officer no less, he would’ve laughed at the very thought. How improbable! How things change….

He placed his hands on Julian’s shoulders, squeezing them and running down over his shoulder blades and sides. Garak spun him around to face him and in a lightning fast moment had Julian pinned up against the wall. The young man looked startled only briefly before he was returning the Cardassian’s kisses with gusto and attempting to press himself against Garak. Garak, did not give him that satisfaction – he wanted to touch Julian, which would be difficult if the Human was plastered against him. He increased the pressure on Julian’s chest in order to keep a handbreadth of space between them. Being cognizant of the other man’s lighter build and lack of protective scales, Garak knew where the line was between being playful and actually hurting his lover. He slid one hand under his clothing, running along the contours of his chest and abdomen.

“Missed me I see.” Julian commented with a smile.

“Of course my lovely boy. Who else would I have such stimulating conversations with? And then there’s your talented mouth.” Garak kissed him deeply. “And your body is so warm.” This time he allowed Julian to rub against him.

“Oh, I see. I’m just a heat rock to you, lizard man.” Julian teased.

“Rude little thing, aren’t you?” Garak inquired as he hefted the lighter man over his shoulder and applied a palm to his backside with a sharp smack. “Where are your manners?”

Julian snorted. “Little? I’m actually taller than you are.” he pointed out.

Garak rolled his eyes. “And yet I can pick you up much more easily than you could me.” Oh, how he had missed their banter.

Julian had nothing to say to that, as it was the truth. “Either way, feel free to do that again.”

“Oh, there are many things I plan on doing to you.” he deposited Julian on the bed, and went to work divesting him of his clothing as quickly and efficiently as possible. Garak pushed him down against the mattress, and then paused to slide out of his own garments very aware of Julian watching. He felt himself warm with pleasure – it was always nice to feel appreciated.

He gracefully seated himself between Julian’s legs. Garak paused to admire the body splayed out for him, and then bent his head to plant a kiss on the inside of one rather boney knee. He wondered not for the first time where all the food Julian managed to inhale actually went. It should somehow be against the laws of physics. Garak nuzzled against the soft skin and found a nice spot on the inner thigh to bite and suck, making Julian wriggle. He moved up the length of the Human’s body kissing the hollow of his throat and then working his way back down over his chest and belly. Tan skin, fever hot, quivered under his lips, and Julian’s breath came more rapidly interspersed with little whimpers.

Julian’s hips lifted off the bed as Garak’s hand found his sex, so hard and full of need. He of course could say the same for himself at that point. In fact, he wasn’t sure how long he could prolong this – he needed Julian _now._ Not that the Human objected one bit when their bodies were joined together. Julian moaned, and nipped, his fingernails scrabbling against the larger scales on Garak’s broad back. He felt so good inside, the heat and pressure drowning out all his concerns, disappointments, loneliness in a wash of pleasure and a closeness that he hadn’t had for a very long time, and before Julian, would have assumed he might never experience again.

 

Later Garak watched him peacefully sleep. The slim body was stretched out close to his own, but not quite touching. Julian’s light brown hand lay in a relaxed curl, the backs of his slender fingers just brushing Garak’s broader gray one. He shifted so he could pull Julian against him. The dark eyes half opened, and then closed again as he obligingly snuggled up against the Cardassian, his head tucked under his chin and one leg entangled with Garak’s own. He couldn’t help but smile a warm genuine smile. He really didn’t know what he had done to deserve this sweet Human. He did not believe in luck, what happened in his life was down to his own actions, his own strengths and weaknesses, but somehow that made Julian’s desire to stay with him all the more unfathomable.

_And you think I am the mysterious one, my dear._

* * *

Julian sat, mostly dressed, sharing a kiss with his lover. Now that his body’s demands weren’t so insistent, he could take the time to savor. To enjoy the taste of his mouth, the feel of his tongue, the gentle pressure of Garak’s teeth as they nibbled on his lips.

They finally broke apart. Eventually the need for oxygen did force one to come up for air. “I have to go. I promised Miles and Jadzia I’d meet them for breakfast.” he said both looking forward to spending time with his friends in a non-work situation, but also regretful that he couldn’t continue the careful and thorough study of Garak’s mouth.

“I’ll see you at lunch then, my dear?” he asked as Julian finished dressing.

“Definitely.”

He headed out to meet his friends feeling better than he had in awhile. A fact not missed by Miles. “You look a sight better. It’s amazing what a good night’s sleep can do.”

“Mmhmm.” came Julian’s noncommittal response while Jadzia bit back a laugh.

“I don’t think that’s just sleep.” she said as Julian took a sip of tea to save himself from having to add anything to the Trill’s observation.

Miles looked puzzled for a moment before his expression turned to one of distaste. “Oh, god, please. Really? I don’t want to know what you got up to last night.”

It might not have been entirely kind to laugh at a friend’s discomfort, but Julian couldn’t help himself. Miles made it so easy. “Come on, you’re a grown man, a _married_ man. You know how it is.” he grinned.

“No, no, I don’t, and I don’t want to. No.” he held up his hands as if he could ward off further unwanted details of Julian’s adventures.

Julian exchanged an amused glance with Jadzia who was both attempting to chew and laugh at the same time. “Come now, Miles. That’s not the attitude you used to have. Are you telling me that _all_ your curiosity is gone?”

“Yes, that is _exactly_ what I’m saying. Maybe you two girls can talk about it amongst yourselves. Later. When I’m not here.” he added just to be safe.

“Oh, I see. I’m a girl now, am I? I’m a doctor, I am familiar with anatomy, and the last time I checked…” He shrugged.

Jadzia managed to finally swallow her food without choking. “Well, if Julian magically swapped genders, I’m sure Garak would’ve noticed.” she added.

“Don’t you start.” Miles told her severely, before turning to Julian who was attempting to smother a laughing fit. “Have some more eggs, princess. Anything to stop you talking.”

Julian held up his hands in mock defeat. “Ok, ok. I promise I’ll be good now.”

 * * *

The next day marked his last day off before life returned to business as usual. Now that he had settled back in, caught up on sleep, and spent some much-needed time with Garak, he felt ready to resume his duties. After taking some time to tidy up his quarters and organize his notes – there was no need to start the next day scrambling around in a disorganized frenzy --  he curled up with a book Garak lent him.

When it came to the Cardassian’s literary picks anything was possible. Usually they only seemed to highlight the differences between their cultures, and though he tried, Julian could not always see the attraction to either theme or writing style. However, once in awhile, Garak dug up something truly interesting that gave Julian some hope that the Cardassian literary tradition was not a completely lost cause. Granted, even if this particular book ended up largely involving allegiance to the state written in the most repetitive way possible, Garak _had_ slogged through Milton. Therefore, Julian could survive this.

He arranged himself more comfortably on the sofa and just began to read when he was suddenly interrupted. “Commander Sisko to Doctor Bashir. I need to see you in my office as soon as possible.”

He tapped his combadge. “I’ll be right there.” he replied with some curiosity. _That doesn’t sound like a medical emergency._

 


	2. Bad News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sisko gives Julian some unsettling news, and suddenly it's not just the Commander's approval Julian and Garak have to worry about.

Sisko steepled his fingers and studied the young man seated across from him who was undoubtedly curious as to why he had been contacted in an official capacity on his day off and had no idea what was coming. He hadn’t wanted things to come to this, though an inner voice made a point of saying ‘see, you were right from the beginning.’ This was one of those times he didn’t want to be right.

“You wanted to see me, Sir?” Julian asked, breaking the silence.

“Yes.” He paused to collect himself and his thoughts and then continued. “Do you remember what I told you a few months ago when I ambushed you in the infirmary? About you becoming involved with Garak?”

Julian’s expression became wary. “Yes, quite clearly. It’s not something I’m likely to forget.”

“I believe I said something to the effect that I had concerns that the relationship could possibly hurt your career.” He went on as Julian sat forward suddenly all tension.

“How exactly is Garak hurting my career? What have I done that doesn’t meet with your approval?” He asked in a tone that was bordering on demanding.

Sisko sighed. He didn’t exactly understand Julian’s choice in romantic partners, but this…this was not fair. Not the way things should be. “You haven’t done anything wrong. But this, unfortunately, isn’t about what I think—it’s about what Starfleet perceives as irresponsible on your part. It seems that someone on this station was concerned enough to go over my head and report your behavior.”

The aghast look on the CMO’s face pulled at Benjamin. He might not trust Garak, but he was at least willing to be pleasantly surprised. Jake’s friendship with Nog was proof that sometimes good lurked in unexpected places – they were part of the reason he hadn’t issued an ultimatum to Julian almost three months before. He had wanted to be fair, but now he questioned whether or not he had done the right thing considering how much more difficult this was going to be now that even more time had passed with the unlikely pair still very much together.

“What? Who? _Why_?” This time Julian did demand, and Sisko couldn’t blame him.

“I don’t know, Julian, but I assume it’s because they were less willing to give the two of you the benefit of the doubt.”

The young man sat thinking in silence for a few moments, head bowed, before looking up. “All right, what does this mean exactly?”

“If you want to be sure of keeping your job, you need to break things off with Garak--” he began.

“But--”

“Julian, you need to think about this, about what you’re going to do. Personally, I don’t like this. I see no reason why Starfleet should involve themselves in a situation best handled by the people who actually work here and know the parties involved. However, I don’t get to have the final say in what happens around here. Not all the time anyway.”

“I can’t just leave Garak--” Julian protested again.

“You need to do what’s best for you, but _please_ think about it, about what you’d be possibly giving up if you choose to stay with him.”

Some of Julian’s desperate energy seemed to settle. “You said _possibly_. Not definitely?” A determined look started to creep across his face, worrying Sisko.

“It’s a good possibility, but I don’t have the impression that they’ve completely made up their minds yet.” He held up a hand to forestall any hopeful excitement from the doctor. “However, there’s a distinct likelihood that they will not take no for an answer on this.” He thought hard for a moment, struggling within himself as his compassion for Julian warred with what he considered his common sense. “Look, whatever you decide to do, I will back you, and I will fight for you. I don’t want lose you, but I can’t promise anything either.”

Julian nodded absently, his mind already whirring along another track. Sisko tilted his head so he could look the other man in the eye. “As I said, I want you to _think_ about this. You have two days – I can put them off for that long, anyway. Then let me know what you decide.”

Julian gave a slight nod, and then rose, clearly eager to put some distance between himself and Sisko’s office. “Julian, I am sorry, I truly am.”

“Thank you, Sir.” he replied stiffly, and then turned and strode out.

 * * *

“Julian, wait!” He felt Jadzia’s hand on his arm forcing him to stop. “Are you alright?” she asked, worried.

“Not really, no.” he replied starting to lose the steadiness in his voice. “I suppose you know what’s going on.”

She nodded. “I do and so does Kira. I’m so sorry, this should never have happened – it’s ridiculous.”

“No kidding. You’d think we were selling secrets to the Cardassians or something nefarious. The truth, of course is not nearly as exciting, I suppose, but no one cares about _that_.” Julian’s voice was starting to get a bit wild, and he took a deep breath willing himself to calm down.

“That’s not true. I care. So does Sisko, Kira, Miles, and everyone else who’s your friend.” She squeezed his shoulder.

“Oh, and it’s going to be so much fun telling Garak all about this. Of course he’s working at the moment, and the last thing I’m going to do is drop this on his lap now.” He wearily rubbed his jaw.

“Well, until he gets done clothing the station, we can spend some time together. There’s no point being miserable by yourself.” she said. “Come on.” She took him by the arm again and led him back to her quarters.

“I wouldn’t panic yet anyway.” the Trill pointed out once she had forced him to stop pacing and sit. “There may be a way out of this. Starfleet’s regulations on fraternization have never been that strict as far as I know. There’s no abuse of power here – Garak isn’t even a member of Starfleet, nor is he any longer a part of any Cardassian agency. The idea of an officer involved with someone like Garak might make them nervous, but I don’t see how they have much of a case.”

“But I won’t know for sure…” Julian sighed.

“No you won’t, and it might be wise to consider what you plan to do if things don’t work out in your favor.” she replied seriously. “However, that doesn’t mean you need to wear a hole in the carpet pacing back and forth and working yourself up.”

“I know.” he said, but he didn’t feel particularly hopeful at the moment. His stomach was in knots about having to tell Garak what was going on. How would he react? What were they going to do? He couldn’t imagine not having the Cardassian in his life. They had known each other for years now, and been intimate for over six months. This wasn’t some casual fling to be cast off when it became an inconvenience, but his career?

 * * *

Garak knew something was wrong as soon as Julian walked through the door. He looked tired and tense, dreadfully unhappy.  “My dear?” he asked, getting up from the sofa to stand in front of the Human that had suddenly become rooted in the middle of the room.

He half looked up and then moved his gaze to Garak’s shoulder. “Garak,” he began, then stopped to take a deep breath.

“Julian, what’s wrong? You’re shaking.” He slid his arms around the spare frame and slipped one hand around the nape of the young man’s neck. Julian seemed to waver for a moment before he circled his arms about the Cardassian’s broad shoulders and buried his face against his neck.

Garak waited patiently for some kind of explanation, genuinely concerned. He had never seen the Human like this before. He rubbed one hand up and down Julian’s back. “Why don’t we sit down? Come on.” Garak guided him to the sofa where he promptly collapsed and folded his knees up under his chin. The Cardassian sat down beside him and slid an arm back around his shoulders. “Lovely boy, what is going on? I think you should tell me.”

“Someone, I don’t know who, but not one of my friends, went over Commander Sisko’s head, and reported our intimate relationship to someone in Starfleet. They are not happy, to say the least.”

Garak felt a stab of pain as he put Julian’s misery together with this bit of information, and it boded nothing well.

“I have two days to decide whether I get to keep you or my position here. Though, Sisko did say they hadn’t quite made up their minds about what they were going to do. He’d try and fight it. Jadzia seemed optimistic, but…”

“She is an optimist.” Garak finished for him.  He had never been one for optimism himself. He pressed his lips to Julian’s forehead. “It will be alright. Whatever happens, it will be alright.” he said, as much to comfort himself as the young Human pressed against his side.

The part of Garak who had been conditioned to collect, catalogue and recall information began automatically flipping through the list of possibilities. Who would have done such a thing? Granted, he was not popular on this station, and he had no doubt that the idea of the station’s resident doctor sleeping with the Cardassian tailor made more than a few people uncomfortable. However, many of those would have no connection what so ever to Starfleet. They would do no more than stare and whisper to each other. Julian’s fellow officers seemed unlikely candidates, as they would not seek to harm their friend. Except… he suddenly had a suspicion as to who was to blame. A someone without a close friendship with Julian, who had access to security records and would therefore have access to plenty of information about _him_ , who would have no qualms about contacting Starfleet about anything that seemed to be opposed to the Federation’s best interests. Someone who had shown a little too much interest in his and Julian’s reunion near the docking bay yesterday afternoon. While he couldn’t be 100% positive, he trusted his own instincts in these things and was confident enough to bet latinum that his supposition was correct.

He continued to cuddle Julian who clung to him with a heartbreaking desperation and tried his hardest not think that this could very well be the death knell of the one positive thing he had found while living on the station.

  *** * ***

“This whole thing is completely unfair.” Miles told him angrily. “If Sisko doesn’t see an issue with you and Garak, then I don’t know why anybody else should be butting in.”

“I appreciate that, Miles, thank you.” Julian said feeling relieved that his friend had come round this far. He didn’t think he could take it if his friends sided with Starfleet.

“I know I haven’t been entirely supportive.” Miles went on. “But what do they know about the situation, really?” He rested a hand briefly on Julian’s shoulder. “I’m sorry you’re going to have to end this thing with Garak.”

Julian sighed wearily at the realization that their conversation was about to take a left turn into a ditch. “Don’t be sorry, I’m not breaking anything off with Garak.” he said. He had laid in bed last night tangled around Garak’s body thinking, deciding. Had there really ever been a decision?

Miles looked at him in surprise. “What do you mean? It doesn’t sound like they’re going to give you much choice. You could lose your career with Starfleet.”

He shrugged. “That’s a chance I’ll just have to take.”

O’Brien continued to stare at him. “You can’t be serious?” he gasped out. “Have you even thought about what you’re suggesting? I mean, ok, you got curious had a fling – that’s not something to give up your career for.”

Julian wearily rubbed his face. He was experiencing a strong feeling of déjà vu at this juncture. “It’s not a _fling_ , Miles. I wasn’t just curious, well maybe a little, but there’s more to it than that. There always has been.” When no vocalization of dismay followed this statement, he continued, “I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable, but that’s the way it is.”

Miles sat down heavily on the nearest chair. “It’s not that…not that I’m _uncomfortable_ , not exactly, anyway. It’s just that my good friend has lost his mind and is sabotaging himself!”

Julian glared at him. “I thought we were past this, Miles.”

“Well, your job wasn’t in danger then!” he exclaimed in exasperation. “For someone so smart…” he shook his head in disbelief. “When did things become so serious that you’ve decided to throw your life away for this guy?”

Julian slid into a seat next to him and shrugged. “For awhile now, probably. It just took something awful like this to make me realize it, and I’m not throwing my life away. Lots of places need doctors, and everything here might work out anyway.”

“Don’t do something you’re going to regret later.” Miles replied, his voice serious.

“I’m not – that’s the point.” He turned to look at Miles. “I love my job, and I worked hard to get here. I don’t want to lose it. But… there’s only so much I can give up for it. At some point it’s not really a fair trade anymore. I know you would rather I be involved with someone else, but I’m sure you can understand at least somewhat.” He searched his friend’s face in hope of seeing something to suggest that understanding.

Miles was silent for what felt like an eternity. “In a general sense, of course I understand. I know what it’s like to love another person, to feel responsible for them.” He sighed. “It’s just when things get specific, well specifically _Garak_ that I start to have trouble. I don’t want you to feel like I’m against you, or that you’re alone in this, but at the same time, as a friend, I don’t want to give you bad advice or not say something if it looks like you’re going to end up hurt.” He paused again. “I said it before, and I’ll say it again, I won’t stop being your friend whatever happens, ok. But I don’t know what to tell you to do, either. Though it sounds like you know anyway, so I suppose it doesn’t matter.”

“Of course your opinion matters, Miles.” Julian replied. “I may not agree with it, or follow it, but I do listen to what you tell me, and I do care what you think.”

“Well, I don’t think any less of you. I just hope you aren’t making a mistake, that’s all. Why do you have to have such strange tastes in boyfriends?” he added in a familiar teasing way that said as clearly as anything that they were all right. “Do you have some kind of weird fetish for scales or something? Really like the color gray?”

“Oh come now, Miles. I thought all your curiosity was gone, that you didn’t _want_ details.” A ghost of a smile now hovered around Julian’s mouth.

“I _don’t_. It’s just some kind of morbid curiosity – like watching two ships about to collide with one another. You know you don‘t want to see the aftermath, but you can’t look away.”

Julian actually laughed at that. “Well, if you’re going to be compared to a disaster, it might as well be a big fiery one. Better to go out with a bang than a fizzle.”

Miles shook his head. “You say that now…” he warned.

 * * *

Garak sat across the table from Odo having breakfast. Or rather, Odo sat and kept him company while he picked at his food. “Not hungry this morning?” he asked in his usual dry way.

“Sometimes when the mind is occupied the stomach just can’t seem to cope.” Garak replied, not knowing whether or not Odo was aware of yesterday’s events, but considering Odo’s admirable ability to know the goings on of the entire station, Garak would’ve been surprised if he hadn’t.

“I am sorry about this business with you and Bashir.” the Changeling went on, proving him correct. “I see no reason why the two of you shouldn’t be allowed to continue doing, whatever it is you do. Not being humanoid, I don’t have to worry about these things.”

“Ah, how much simpler your life must be.” Garak said. “These things do have a way of sneaking up on one, though. Who knows, even you might find yourself…complicated by some attractive woman, or man if you prefer.”

Odo grunted. “I don’t prefer either, thank you. I have about as much use for romantic entanglements as I do food.”

“Hmmm…” was all the response the Cardassian gave this statement.

“Yes, well.” Odo looked at him closely. “I know you are very good at figuring things out. I hope you aren’t planning on doing something stupid.”

Garak’s pulled his features into an expression of mock surprise. “Constable, have you known me to be a stupid man?”

“Very intelligent people can still do stupid things if pushed hard enough. I think we both know that.” A meaningful pause, then, “As satisfying as it might be to exact some sort of revenge on the person who brought all of this on, it would only prove Starfleet correct in their assumptions and hurt Julian’s case even more. Plus, I would be obligated to lock you up which would be most distressing, I am sure.”

“No one has anything to fear from me.” Garak reassured him. _Yet. I have everything to lose now. I can’t promise what will happen later if I lose everything._

“I’m glad to hear it.” Odo replied, though he didn’t look entirely convinced.

 * * *

“It was lovely while it lasted, my dear.” Garak said. As soon as Julian entered his quarters with his beautiful face looking so serious, he knew. Of course he hadn’t expected anything different. Why should a young Starfleet officer with the chance for a bright and shining career ahead of him throw it all away for a middle aged Cardassian tailor who most people considered shady at best. However logical the outcome, it still hurt. Hurt in a way that took the usually composed and well protected Elim Garak entirely by surprise. It was if he had been stuck for years in a dark cave then for a short blissful time offered sunlight only to be suddenly tossed back into the cave again, in the dark, alone. “I do understand of course.”

The young man took him by the hand and led him over to the sofa, Julian’s slender fingers warm and strong around his own. “Sit.” he said, and Garak obeyed.

“Elim.” His name was a verbal kiss on Julian’s lips. He straddled Garak’s lap and took his face gently in his hands. The depth of emotion in the Human’s brown eyes surprised Garak as he stroked the Cardassian’s cheeks and leaned in for a soft sweet kiss.

“I am not going to just give you up.” His voice was low, barely more than a whisper, and Garak could feel his warm breath against his lips. Julian began placing little kisses along the ridge outlining his jaw.

“My dear, do you know what you’re doing?” he asked, genuinely concerned. Without fully realizing it, the young man had somehow wormed his way into his life, his heart, and without him he would have nothing. Yet (or perhaps because of that), he didn’t want to be a cause for regret and eventual resentment.

Julian transferred his attention to the ridges that protected his eyes, the touch of his lips and tongue as he kissed and licked making Garak melt against the other man. The Human paused, “Yes. Completely sure in everyway.” His kisses were so warm and infinitely gentle, as comforting as they were arousing.

Julian’s fingertips traced his chufa leaving a tingling sensation in their wake. “I don’t want to spend my life asking myself ‘what if,’ wondering if I made the right decision, asking myself if a career is really more important than the most important person in my life.” He smiled then with an easy sort of confidence, his fingers skimming along the thick ridges that ran along Garak’s neck and shoulders. The Cardassian exhaled in a little puff of pleasure, and he couldn’t help pressing up into Julian, his sex aching to be touched.

The corner of the Human’s mouth quirked upwards and he rocked his hips so that his groin rubbed against Garak’s in a wonderful bit of friction that sent warmth licking through him. His hands captured Julian’s narrow hips, pulling him a bit more forward so he could feel him more fully.

“And if Starfleet does not side in your favor, you won’t wonder ‘what if?’ Whether a semi-illicit relationship with a Cardassian tailor is really worth it?” Garak questioned, pleased that he was able to control his voice despite the level of distraction that only Julian could provide.

Julian shook his head. “No, I don’t think so – not like I would if I dumped you for my career.”

They kissed again, Julian’s hands sliding under the neckline of his tunic in an attempt to gain more contact with his body. He pulled down the front enough to run his tongue along the tear shaped impression on his sternum. “And in the mean time, I think we should go to bed. Now.”

 * * *

They sat on the edge of the bed kissing, caressing, removing articles of clothing to expose touchable expanses of body. Garak sighed in relief when Julian managed to ease his trousers off and groaned as the Human’s hand rubbed along the length of his cock. Julian was not sure he was so much better off – his groin was hot and heavy, full of want for the other man. The Cardassian’s hands cupped and squeezed his ass, pulling him closer.

Julian placed his hands on his shoulders and gently pushed him back onto the bed. Garak smiled, a mischievous glint in his eye as he grabbed hold of his upper arms and pulled Julian down on top of him, holding him there.

The Human enjoyed the feel of his bare skin pressed against his lover’s for a long moment before stating, “It’s difficult to do naughty things to you if you keep me pinned here.”

Garak’s smile widened. “In that case, my dear, I release you.” He let go and spread his arms wide in a magnanimous gesture.

“How kind of you.” Julian slowly sat back, dragging his fingers tips down the older man’s chest and belly, brushing against his erection and down to lightly circle the little hole. “May I?” he inquired gently.

“Of course you may.” Garak replied. And then more softly, “That would be lovely, Julian.”

 Julian grabbed the bottle of lube off the nightstand. “Do keep in mind that this isn’t something that I have done for quite some time.” Garak added.

He smiled softly at the Cardassian in response and ran his hand over the soft belly and gave his right hip ridge a gentle squeeze. “I want to take care of you the way you take care of me.”

Julian was pleased to find Garak relaxed under his hands, sighing with pleasure as his Human lover used his fingers to prepare him. _I don’t know if you believe me when I tell you that I will stay with you no matter what, so I will show you instead._ He thought as myriad emotions flashed through him at once – concern, caring (love?) mixing with arousal and desire. Julian groaned as he entered Garak’s body. He felt so good inside, a fact that Julian attempted to articulate but couldn’t as the signal from his brain to his mouth became hopelessly scrambled.

He picked up a steady rhythm, gasping and moaning as Garak moved with him. This was good, mind numbingly good. He nipped at the sensitive neck ridges, his hand reaching down to fondle Garak who in turn gripped Julian’s hips, encouraging a harder, faster rhythm. Julian gasped, his sounds of pleasure mixing with his partner’s. He both longed for release and didn’t want it to end, but of course the final decision in that matter wasn’t for his mind to make – when Garak came, bucking up underneath him, Julian was helpless to continue much longer and soon they were lying on top of each other panting for breath.

After a few minutes, Julian rolled off and reached for the covers as Garak shivered in what was for him at least, cool air. He pulled the blankets up and slid his arms around the Cardassian, holding him close. Julian nuzzled against his face and pressed his lips to the little ridge that ran down the bridge of Garak’s nose.

“Do you believe me now? That I’m not going to leave you.” Julian asked. “Because we can do this as many times as it takes for you to.”

The Cardassian pressed his face against Julian’s neck, his eyes half closed, and expression peaceful. “My dear,” he murmured, “I do not typically expect the most favorable outcomes, but yes, I know you are being honest.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Julian got to be on top this time -- actually, I can completely see them switching off.


	3. Moving Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian and Garak await their fate while Sisko questions his own motivations.

Julian entered Sisko’s office with a determined air. “Sir, can I speak to you for a moment?”

The Commander studied his face, his expression becoming resigned. “Yes, of course. I have a feeling I know what brought you here. You had adequate time to consider?”

Julian nodded. “Yes. I’m not breaking anything off with Garak…I can’t. I used to think that my career would always come before a romantic partnership, but now, I just can’t say that. Of course I would like to keep my position here, but not at the expense of my relationship with Elim. I can always find work on Bajor if I have to.”

Sisko sighed. “I had a feeling you were going to say that. I admit that I hoped you would decide otherwise, but perhaps that’s selfish of me. I will do my absolute best to make sure you keep your commission, but I can’t promise anything.”

Julian nodded, “Understood.” A certain measure of relief washed through him when he realized that Sisko wasn’t going to try and talk him out of it. Enough was enough, people needed to start taking their relationship seriously. It wasn’t a fling, curiosity, temporary insanity, or anything else other than two people who honestly cared for each other and wished to be able to share their bodies and lives like any other couple would.

He didn’t want to lose his position on the station, he reflected as he headed back to the infirmary. However, simply making the decision took some of the weight off his shoulders, and he knew that no matter what happened, he had the capacity to adapt.

 * * *

Odo leaned on Michael Eddington’s desk so that he effectively loomed over the unassuming looking man. “May I ask why you thought it necessary to report Doctor Bashir’s private life to Starfleet?” he asked in his calm, dry manner.

The security officer looked up as surprise crossed his face for a moment. “I checked the outgoing communication logs.” the Changeling explained.

“It’s nothing personal.” Michael replied. “It just seemed like Starfleet should be aware of an affair of that…nature. Do _you_ trust Garak?”

“It doesn’t matter whether or not I trust him. Commander Sisko is completely aware of them and hasn’t seen fit to take action. I trust his judgment. If Mr. Garak behaves inappropriately, then I will deal with it then.” Odo was more than a little annoyed. This was one issue he didn’t need to be dealing with, and now on top of a depressed Chief Medical Officer and an angry Cardassian ex-spy, he had to worry about Michael’s safety should Starfleet agree with their security officer’s assessment. He really didn’t want to have to arrest Garak if he decided to shove Michael Eddington out of a convenient airlock.

Michael, however, seemed rather oblivious to Odo’s line of thinking. “People are fallible, even the Commander, and it is possible he is favoring Doctor Bashir – even if he doesn’t realize it. It’s better to let Starfleet know and let them take care of it. This is a Federation station after all.”

“Actually, it’s a Bajoran station. The Federation is a guest here.” Odo pointed out.

“And do you think the Bajorans would be any more comfortable with the CMO fraternizing with a Cardassian with his history?”

“Since no one has done more than grumble about it, I’m not too concerned.” he replied. “I know you like to do things by the book, but do be careful that you don’t cause yourself and everyone else more trouble in the long run.”

Odo turned to leave. “As I said, it’s nothing personal.” He heard Eddington repeat to his retreating back. He just shook his head and sighed.

 * * *

Sisko sat on the sofa deep in thought. He had attempted to put forth the best argument he could in favor of letting Julian and Garak pursue their relationship. Was it enough? Was it even the right thing to do? He didn’t like being overruled when it came to decisions about the officers under him, and he didn’t want to see Julian suffer. _Yet,_ _if I had known the two of them together would cause this much trouble… I saw the potential for this. Why didn’t I take it seriously? If it had been nipped in the bud early this whole mess could have been avoided._ _Perhaps that’s unfair, though. Maybe I am a little biased, because I can’t personally understand why Bashir would choose to have an intimate relationship with Garak in the first place._ He wished he could dismiss that thought, that he could believe without a doubt that his opinions were completely rational. However, there was a little niggling of doubt either way. Was he favoring Julian when he shouldn’t, because they worked closely together, and he had come to like him? Or did he harbor some hidden bias against the relationship, because he didn’t really trust Garak or understand the attraction.

“Dad.” Jake’s voice interrupted his thoughts.

“What, Jake?” he replied, bringing himself back to the present.

“Are you ok? You seem kind of out of it.”

He mustered a smile for his son. “I’m fine, just thinking over a problem that needs solving.”

Jake thought for a moment. “This wouldn’t be about Doctor Bashir and Mr. Garak, would it?” he asked.

Sisko looked at him in surprise. “How would you even know about that?”

Jake shrugged. “I overhead Dax say something to Miles about it. She didn’t know I was in the room. It’s not that much of a surprise is it? Pretty much everyone knows that they’re seeing each other, and not everyone likes it. It doesn’t seem fair, though.”

“How so?” Benjamin asked, curious as to how his teenage son would respond to the whole idea of the unlikely duo.

“Well, they aren’t causing any problems are they? If they were, you would have done something about it a long time ago, so it doesn’t make sense to interfere now. And people date people of different species all the time – it’s not that big a deal.”

“You’re right, it shouldn’t be a big deal. However, keep in mind that this isn’t just about Garak’s species – there are some other issues as well.”

Jake seemed unimpressed by that caveat. “They’re still making it into a bigger deal than it is. If I were Doctor Bashir, I wouldn’t feel too positively about Starfleet right now.”

“I know, and he’s a valuable asset to this station.” He paused. “I try not to be biased – look at you and Nog. A pair of unlikelier friends I’ve never seen.” He smiled at that. “Actually you two are the reason I was willing to give them the benefit of the doubt when this first came to my attention. However, I’m not perfect either, so I still have some doubts. I did argue on behalf of Julian and Garak. Hopefully it did some good.”

Jake seemed pleased by this. “Then there’s no need to second guess yourself.”

“No I suppose there isn’t.”

 * * *

Julian spent the rest of his day attempting to lose himself in his work. This was a tactic that generally served him well. Whether working in the lab or dealing with patients, it took thought and close attention. What kept bringing his mind back to his own personal difficulties was the behavior of the medics under him. Of course none of them said anything to him directly– it would’ve been inappropriate, and they were overall a nice bunch anyway. However, it was very clear that they had been filling their quiet moments with speculation. About him.

There was nothing quite like walking over two a group of two or three only to have them immediately fall silent at his approach, or to be shot looks when they thought he wouldn’t notice. He sighed inwardly. He could put up with it – it was Human nature (or in this case Bajoran and Human nature) to gossip, and since they weren’t being intentionally rude or disruptive there was no point in fussing at them. The one thing Julian wanted to know was how so many people had suddenly become informed about the thin ice he had found himself standing on.

Soon it would all be over – either he and Garak would have Starfleet’s seal of (grudging) approval, or he wouldn’t be working here anymore anyway. The latter would at least give the medics a few more days to make sympathetic faces at him while they whispered to each other that they just couldn’t believe Julian would choose that ‘damned Cardie’ over his job.

He bumped into Kira on the way out and exchanged a few words. The Bajoran was trying so hard to not say what she really wanted to say and be encouraging that he thought the poor woman was about to explode. While he appreciated the attempt, trying to carry on the conversation was exhausting and it was with a great deal of relief that they went their separate ways – Kira to check in with Odo, and Julian to track down Garak. His mind shuffled rapidly through his list of concerns as he walked: when would he find out Starfleet’s decision? Would finding work on Bajor and therefore being close to the station and Garak be his best option? If Starfleet relented, well… he had an idea that needed discussing with his troublesome Cardassian first.

Garak turned out to be exactly where expected, in his shop. It was that time of day when the customers became few and far between and the tailor liked to catch up on commissions. Julian paused in the doorway for a moment, content to watch his lover who was inspecting a bolt of fabric with a critical eye.

Garak was aware of Julian almost as soon as he walked in. The Human was not particularly adept at being sneaky. But he let the man have his moment of enjoyment. He did look up as Julian came walking over, and he favored him with a smile. Julian’s hand rested briefly on his shoulder as he gave the ridge on his jaw a little kiss before running down his spine, rubbing the small of his back, and then finally coming to rest on his bottom. This happened to be the location Julian’s hands seemed to like the most as they made their way there any chance they got. Garak made a small pleased rumbling sound that spoke of both affection and remembered pleasure – that morning had seen another vigorous round of lovemaking.

He pressed his lips to Julian’s and fought back a pang of guilt. Sometimes it felt like his only purpose was to break things. There was nothing he could do to positively affect the outcome – he was not trusted by others in Starfleet, and his word meant nothing. Seeking revenge might be personally satisfying, but it could not undo the damage already caused. Plus, he knew the constable was right in that he would only be making Starfleet’s case for them. He could’ve saved the doctor the trouble of choosing between a lover and Starfleet if he had been the one to call a halt to their relationship. However, he also knew that robbing Julian of the ability to choose for himself would only cause more anger and hurt. As much as he might tease the Human about naivety, the pretty young man was an adult who knew his own mind. Besides, Elim Garak was too selfish to give up this bit of happiness he had found. So instead of gently but firmly telling Julian ‘no,’ he gladly surrendered to his soft warm lips and wonderful hands.

“There’s something I want to talk to you about, if you have time.” Julian said.

“Oh? I think I can make the time. It’s not as if this pitiful batch of fabric is going anywhere. I’m going to have to find another supplier. The quality has really fallen off.”

“In that case,” Julian took the bolt of fabric from him and set it down. “On the off hand chance Starfleet realizes that they’re being completely inane, I had an idea…”

 * * *

“While I didn’t find the ending predictable, I did find the premise a little strange.” Garak said as he watched the Human pick at his lunch. Julian was not inhaling food with his usual gusto, which suggested stress, poor dear man.

“Was it the lack of an entire ring of conspirators--” Julian began to answer but suddenly noticed Sisko standing next to their table.

“Do you mind if I interrupt for a moment?” He asked as he pulled up a third chair.

“Not at all Commander.” Garak replied with his customer service smile rather than the warm genuine expression he saved for Julian.

“It’s just that I have some news that concerns the two of you, and I thought it best not to make you wait in any more suspense.” Though Sisko’s tone was even and his face impassive, there was something in his eyes that suggested good humor.

“Yes, and?” Julian asked, his heart suddenly in his throat.

This time Sisko did favor him with a smile. “I did not have an easy time convincing Starfleet that your relationship does not present a risk. In fact, I’m not entirely sure that I convinced them of anything other than I should be the one to make that call.” He looked at them both sternly. “Do not make me regret this, either of you.”

“Of course not, you have absolutely nothing to worry about.” the Cardassian replied with a smile and a nod of his head. Julian stammered out his agreement.

He looked back and forth between the two men one more time and stood. “Well now that’s settled, back to work.”

Julian stopped him. “Wait, there’s something I wanted to run by you.”

 * * *

“You’re doing what?” Kira asked, startled.

“Sharing quarters. It makes sense – we’re together most of the time anyway.” Julian shrugged trying to be nonchalant about it, but he was really insanely pleased.

“Isn’t that a bit…” the Bajoran hunted around for the right word. “I mean, are you sure? That’s a big step.”

Julian’s mouth twitched up into a smile. “Yes, but it makes sense.” he said again. She was trying so hard to be nice about Garak even though it was clear the whole idea made her extremely uncomfortable.

“Oh, Julian, that’s great!” Jadzia, however, treated it as if Human medical officers and Cardassian ex-spies turned tailors moved in together every day.

The door slid open, and then Miles’ voice greeted them. “What’s great?” He had just returned to Ops and missed Julian’s announcement.

“Julian and Garak are going to be sharing quarters. Everything has been cleared with Sisko.” the Trill told him.

Miles stopped at that and just stared at his friend for a moment, looking like he had just been hit upside the head. Julian felt a flush creeping over his face. Miles opened his mouth to say something, closed it again, and instead made some sort of vague gesture that didn’t really communicate anything other than the man was clearly caught off guard. “Oh, are you? Together. Ok.” He finally said. “I’m going to go check the replicator now. It was acting funny earlier.” He gave Julian one last look and a small shake of the head as if to clear it.

“Damn! How am I supposed to avoid Garak now?” he suddenly burst out a minute or so later from across the room.

“Oh, I don’t know Miles. You’ll just have to figure it out.” he replied with a grin. There was no getting around it now. He and Elim Garak were together and the station was just going to have to learn to live with it.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All's well that ends well -- except for maybe the replicator Miles is working on in his distracted state.

**Author's Note:**

> That was a very random book choice. For some reason my mind blanked, so I went poking through my Kindle. Paradise Lost seemed a more likely choice than a steampunk novel (though I imagine Garak's reaction to that would be pretty funny). Had a difficult time deciding how to split this story up and went with what felt like (to me) three more manageable pieces rather than two giant chunks.


End file.
